


nothing

by toobscocaine



Series: kenma gives great advice [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Kozume Kenma, Aromantic Asexual, Aromantic Asexual Kozume Kenma, Exploring Gender, Fluff, gender is a social construct
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toobscocaine/pseuds/toobscocaine
Summary: kenma never felt like a boy, but not a girl either, just nothing.kenma never felt romantic, just nothing.kenma never felt sexual, just nothing.nothing. kenma had nothing.or a poetic type look at the gender spectrum and the aro ace spectrum
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: kenma gives great advice [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775521
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	nothing

**Author's Note:**

> as always, i didn’t sleep last night and i’m fueled on mountain dew and cheetos, and this is unedited.
> 
> this is kinda a play of a poetry entry for a contest

Kenma never felt like a boy. The other boys would play in the mud and wrestle. The other boys would play things like basketball. The other boys would fight. The other boys would do stupid things. The other boys would go out and come back smelly. The other boys didn’t have a problem with the word _boy_. Boy just wasn’t right.

Kenma never felt like a girl either. The girls would play with dolls. The girls would help with housework. The girls would do makeup. The girls would play house. The girls would do ballet. The girls would sew. The girls would sing. The girls would swoon over boys. The girls didn’t have a problem with the work _girl_. Girl just wasn’t right.

All Kenma’s life, Kenma was criticized.

”Why doesn’t _he_ play with the other kids?” The other parents would say. But Kenma didn’t have a place to play. A place to belong. The word _he_ hit like a bullet. 

“Why don’t you bring your _son_ out with the other _boys_? _He_ needs to learn not to be a shut in.” The grandparents put tight boys clothes on Kenma. It hurt, not just on the outside, but it gave a pang in Kenma’s chest. It was a weird stingy feeling.

” _He_ should’ve grown out of it already.” Kenma overheard Kenma’s parents talking one night. They had been yelling and talking about how their _son_ Kenma needs to be more _masculine_. That hit like a punch in the face.

When Kenma met Kuroo, it was relieving. Though, Kenma wishes Kenma was nicer to Kuroo. 

“Kenma, this is Kuroo Tetsurou, he moved in next door. You should play with him, it would be nice for you to play with other kids.”

Kuroo had the biggest shit-eating grin. 

Kenma looked him dead in the eyes. “No.” Kenma slammed the door and ran inside. 

Kenma’s mother had to drag Kenma out the door by Kenma’s hood to get Kenma outside. Kenma was glad she did.

For some strange reason, Kuroo and Kenma’s parents had left two 9 year old children alone in the park, but that was irrelevant.

“Why don’t you like to leave your house?” It was a good thing Kenma was able to tell the difference between genuine curiosity and bitching. 

“Because. I don’t like to play with the boys.” Kenma answered simply, though it was the first time Kenma said it out loud.

”Oh. So why don’t you play with the girls?” Kenma thought about it for a long moment. Why didn’t Kenma play with the girls? But the word girl just didn’t fit.

”Because. I don’t like to play with the girls.” Kenma replied.

”But do you like to be alone?” Kenma paused. Kenma’s breathing paused and the world felt silenced. Did Kenma like to be alone?

”No.”Kenma paused for a moment, but decided not to hold back. “I want a place to belong. I don’t belong with the girls. I don’t belong with the boys.” Kenma cried for the first time. Kenma had forgotten how to cry until then. Kuroo gave Kenma a hug. 

“Then you’re a nothing.” Kuroo stated like it was the simplest thing in the world.

”B-between us?” Kenma sniffled.

”Between us. If nothings are nothings, then what would be the point to tell?” Kuroo smiled down at the shorter one. 

“N-not he. Not sh-she. T-they.” Kenma confirmed, a small smile spread across _their_ face _._

When Kenma got older, more people disliked how they lived. Kenma didn’t care though. When they began living by themselves, they had freedom. Freedom to be who they wanted and present how they wanted.

In high school, Kuroo had their back. 

On the first day of volleyball practice, Kuroo had practically squeezed Kenma to death.

”KENMA!” Kuroo ran straight for them and bashed into them.

”Hey Kuroo.” Kenma laughed when Kuroo wrapped them in a hug. They pushed away when the other boys stared. Kuroo whispered a ‘sorry’ 

“Kuroo who’s this?” One of the third-years asked.

”This is my best friend Kenma! They are a setter!” Kuroo squealed excitedly. When Kenma saw the guy’s face do something at the word _they_ , Kenma stopped breathing. 

“Is Kenma agender?” Another third-year had come over. Kenma might’ve died right there, but they nodded silently.

”I am too!” The second third-year grabbed Kenma’s hands and smiled excitedly. Kenma _actually_ smiled. They had a place to belong. Someone like them. It had made them beyond happy. Kuroo was there, and there was someone like Kenma, another _nothing_. 

A place to belong. Kenma could get used to that.

**Author's Note:**

> chap 2 is going to be about the experiences of being on the aro ace spectrum  
> (also these are distortions/based off of my own experiences as being agender and aro ace)


End file.
